Randomness for October?

Okay, I'm going to try to sum up this month in this 1 post without it being too long.... And here we go!

• First couple of weeks sucked: I looked for work & just chilled.
• Went to NY for 2 weeks & it was decent.
• Came back home and tried to get back in the groove of things but that took a week or so.
• My best friend move to NJ & invited me to move in with him. Seriously thinking about taking up his offer.
• Still having the want & desires to make clothes. Btw, I went to the now famous Mood Fabric Store in NY & fell in complete love with it.
• As of now, I'm still looking for work & getting kinda desperate for money since the holidays are coming around.
• Thanksgiving in NY and I'm beyond hype about that.

Change is good. Depression is bad.

I know I've been gone for a min. But I'm back with a vengeance (maybe). Today I was just reflecting on some things & with that I ran across a journal entry from January of this year & I'm so happy to not be in that place anymore. Depression is just horrible & I hated not feeling like my normal self. But for those people out there still suffering, you have my sympathy. I know all too well how it feels to want to just scream but its not enough.

My thoughts in January were all dark, scary, and suicide based. I was so unhappy with my life that I wanted to end it yet I felt like I couldn't do that to my family. Something that stood out to me today was:

I laugh when I really want to cry, I say something because the silence is killing me. I say nothing because the silence is comforting. I cry when the laughs aren't enough.

Sometimes I still feel like that, but I'm not wanting to hide from myself or my family & friends. So I'm doing a whole lot better & giving this life thing a chance.

9.26.11 End of Day Randoms

• Pepperoni pizza almost killed me today.
• I haven't had beef since 2005 & pork since 2008.
• It was my fault because I shouldn't of ate it, but that pain I experienced is what I hope giving birth DOES NOT feel like.
• My ex boyfriend I haven't seen in over 6yrs popped up to see me at home. He's such a different person, change looks good on him.
• Accomplished step 1 of getting rid of that jealousy bug & congratulated him on the new baby. He said it was weird to hear me say that.
• We had a decent conversation before he had to leave. It was so good seeing him today.
• What is with these places that are hiring telling people to not to call to check the status of applications?
• Found a sewing machine on Craigslist for $40! I'll be calling that lady this weekend!
• I learned how to do a fishtail braid today. I don't think anyone understands how excited I am about knowing how to do this.
• I've been wanting to do this type of braid for about 6yrs & even in hair school the teacher couldn't show us how to do it.
• Click any of those last 2 links to see my hair post on the fishtail braid if you're interested on learning it!
• I found a picture dated for 10/2/2010 of my best friend & myself & I had the same type braids in that I have in now.
• I don't think that date is right because I wasn't chilling with her like that last October, I'm thinking it was 2/10/10.
• I'm about to start calling all guys hunks & honey..... Then again, maybe not. They may think I'm down to fuck when I'm really not.
• Eczema spots on my leg & neck is murdering me. The urge to itch is horrible.
• My tummy still feels weird from the attempted pepperoni homicide earlier.
• Listened to Phonte's Charity Starts At Home mixtape & dope doesn't even describe it well enough. Love it from top to bottom, no skips.
• I can't wait for the day I can create something that I can wear proudly & have someone compliment me on it. Is that vain?

9.25.11 Randoms

• I've been sleeping a whole lot recently.. Idk if it's the weather change or what, but sleep is #1 these days.
• I wish my mother would stop wanting to talk about my paternal grandmother's failing health. I just don't want to come to the fact that she is dying.
• I need a get away from life for like a hour or so... Drugs can do that right?
• My mother got mad at me for telling her to stop bringing up my Grandma (which seemed like) every 5 minutes this weekend.
• Prayer works, right?
• I'm super bored.. If gas wasn't so high, I would love to just drive around for a little bit.
• Doing hair Friday afternoon/evening. Possibly Saturday too.
• Thanksgiving plans have changed: was going to stay home & cook, but we'll be in NYC for Thanksgiving. I ain't mad at all.
• Still looking for a quick, mind freeing get away.
• Got a couple phone calls to make tomorrow morning, checking the status of some applications. Always fun -__-

Just stupid...

Why is it that it's more acceptable seeing a underage girl pregnant? I get weird looks like something is wrong with me since I'm over 21 & don't have any kids. Not saying I'm better than anyone, but having kids when you can't afford to care for them is just stupid & I won't put myself or a baby in this situation. I hear and see too many times about mothers who can barely support their families and I don't want that to be me.

(Re: this minor rant (is this a rant?) has been brought to you by church this morning where a 13yr old girl is currently pregnant & thoughts/past experiences where I was questioned about my age & current parental status)