Randomness for October?

Okay, I'm going to try to sum up this month in this 1 post without it being too long.... And here we go!

• First couple of weeks sucked: I looked for work & just chilled.
• Went to NY for 2 weeks & it was decent.
• Came back home and tried to get back in the groove of things but that took a week or so.
• My best friend move to NJ & invited me to move in with him. Seriously thinking about taking up his offer.
• Still having the want & desires to make clothes. Btw, I went to the now famous Mood Fabric Store in NY & fell in complete love with it.
• As of now, I'm still looking for work & getting kinda desperate for money since the holidays are coming around.
• Thanksgiving in NY and I'm beyond hype about that.

You said do what?

So this weekend was actually decent outside of getting/being sick the last 24-32 hours. Friday night my mother & I went to go see my grandma in the hospital (she had a full mastectomy & it went well) and while we were there I got to see my uncles & aunts. One of my uncles, I'll call him Uncle Black Sheep Free Thinker was trying to enlighten me on the ways of the World. This is our exact dialogue:

Uncle BSFT: So you don't work? Or have health insurance? Why don't you get on WIC?

Me & other family members: She/I can't get on welfare unless I have a kid.

Uncle BSFT: So why don't you have one? You're what, 25?

Me: Yeah. Are you listening to yourself?

Uncle BSFT: Don't you hear it? *makes tick-tock sounds*

Me: Of course I hear it, but I can't afford to have kids. I can't even afford a $70 phone bill.

Uncle BSFT: That's why you have a good baby daddy.

Me: Do you hear what you're saying? Excuse my french, but niggas don't take care of kids like they are supposed to. I know too many girls my age & younger who had kids to keep a nigga and are out here raising them by their selves. I don't want that struggle.

Uncle BSFT: I was just saying, you get on welfare and at least I would know where my taxes are going to. And if the dude wouldn't take care of the baby, that's when you have us handle that.

Me & my mother: That's not going to do anything. *Mom only* When that baby needs a crib, diapers, and bottles; who is going to be able to get that? Not me & definitely not her.

Uncle BSFT: That's when the child support is supposed to kick in.

Right then I just changed the subject. How can you tell your unemployed, still living at home with her mother, 25 yr old niece to get pregnant so that I can get welfare? Not dissing anyone who needs assistance from the government, but you would think he would want better for me. Then again, nope he doesn't. This is the same man who said to my younger cousin, "I can't believe my sister has 2 daughters, over the age of 21, and none of them have kids. That's shocking." Why is that shocking? You should be proud of that. Obviously, we were raised pretty good.

Outside of that little talk, I had a good time catching up with the fam. It's a shame I really don't see them and they live so close.. But that happens when your family is full of thieving, lying, conniving niggas.

Crushed.....

So last Thursday was my mother's 44th birthday and since I'm jobless, broke, and just down I decided to do something nice for the woman who birthed me. At first I was going to make her a cake, but I thought that may not turn out as good as a store brought cake. So I took my last $13 bucks & brought her a cake.. I tried to get something I thought she would like...

She gets home from work & I present the cake to her. She looks at it, decided to get herself a piece & as she cuts it, she says aloud "Oh.. I know I'm not going to like this." I'm standing there like WTF?! I really wanted to scream on her about how I went out, spent my last bit of money & you say that you KNOW you aren't going to like it before you even eat it!!!! She did eat 1 piece of cake & complained the whole time how she didn't like the cake.


So all weekend I've been eating her birthday cake in anger (and to not be wasteful). That was some ungrateful shit. Next year, she won't be getting a cake from me at all.. How about those apples, mom?!

You learn as you see.. Right?

A little back story: Recently, my sister told me that my grandparents said that all of us (my sister, myself, & cousins) are all under achievers.

Speed up to the past week or so..... I was thinking, why are we such "under achievers"? Then I immediately looked at our parents, my mother is now a college graduate & father a blue collar worker. Now they both were young when they started a family (18/19), but in the 80s that was okay because the cost of living was much cheaper than it is now. The only thing I can say my parents taught me when it comes to being a great adult is to NOT start a family when you aren't financially stable & to work hard.

But is working hard all we need to do to get somewhere in life? Because I think I worked pretty hard (until recently) and gained hella debt in the same time. They didn't teach us great financial responsibility. And the school system sure didn't.

Basically what I'm saying is that we are under achievers because our parents are. They graduated high school, some attempted college, few graduated college, & had families. (Can't say successful marriages because I'm a child of divorce + 2 failed re-marriages). I guess at 25, I can change this and make sure I'm the best me that I could & wished to be. So in April, I'll start.. For now, I'll loaf around in my depression and devise a plan.