This weekend 7/4/2011

I don't even know if I ever posted about the lovely "Juicy" or "Luscious" as I called her. This 4th of July marks the first anniversary of her death and I this weekend is going to be super hard to get through. That's why I was making plans to go to NY to be with my sister since this is her best friend (I'm not going to say 'was' because she's still her best friend and no one can take her place).

Everyone who has ever had the pleasure of meeting, communicating with this beautiful girl knows how truly missed she is. Forever in my heart & mind, Love you much Jassy Phizzle! Here's a little video one of her many friends made, enjoy!

Is this impossible?!

Talking to my mother & first lady (of my church) today, I realized a couple things that I need to make happen like IMMEDIATELY!

1. I'm 25 & I want to get married!!
2. I want to have my first child by 30.
3. I need to be dating someone who wants the same things as me.

First Lady told me that most men know pretty soon how the relationship is going to go (i.e. if he wants to marry a woman, just get some butt, or nothing at all). Then she said, it takes about 6 months of dating someone to know if there is a future or not with that person. That all makes sense, but how do I get to this point because I'm not dating anyone seriously right now. I would love to be, especially if we click & have so much in common.

I feel like I need to be out here dating, try to find someone who wants the same things I want, and lock that down; eventually have a long engagement (2 to 3 years, unless he suggests something different), travel as a couple, then by the time I'm 30 try to have our first child. Is that impossible?

We also talked about how men these days & in my age bracket aren't use to commitment. I can't say that I am either since I never had a long term relationship, then again why should I? I'm only 25, I need to be out here having fun and enjoying life.. But again, I would love to be doing that with my future husband right now. A question I ask myself normally is should I be more aggressive when I see a man I am interested in? I'm aggressive when I need to be, but being the aggressor isn't my type of role. I do think I'm forward, but only when I'm comfortable. Do men like aggressive & forward women or is that emasculating?

I just feel so left out because everyone close to me is dating someone seriously, already having babies, enjoying the true adult life and I'm just in limbo. I want babies!!! And a husband!!

Begging & pleading.....

For the buns. It's not sexy, cute, endearing, or anything. It's plain old annoying. And the one reason why it's annoying is because it's not from the person I want it to be from. Matter of fact, that was said all wrong. The person I want it to be from doesn't even have to beg, he doesn't even have to ask, it's just here waiting for him when he's ready. Now the other guy thinks begging, calling me all crazy (repeatedly for an hour after 1am) is going to make me give in & give him what he wants. If I wanted it, I would tell him. His begging isn't going to make my panties fall off any faster & I wish he could see that because the ignoring, cold shoulder, and rudeness is not getting thru his thick skull.

How would you handle someone begging for the sex and you don't want to have sex with them?

Random Thoughts 6/22/11

For the first time in the past 6 months, I can't pay my phone bill and it kinda blows. This, plus no longer wanting to live at home anymore is really pushing me to my breaking point.

Today has been a day full of self reflection & deep thinking and I know I need to change everything I want to change to be happy. After all these years, just yesterday my mother finally tells me I should do whatever makes me happy no matter what it is. Why wait to figure this out when I'm 25, where was this advice 10 years ago?! I'm just going to crawl back into my hole and figure out a way to get out & up from all of this crap.
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Pt 2 of I Don't Get It.

I didn't expect there to be a part two (click there if you didn't read it) to this matter but there is..

Now it's been a couple weeks after my bestie has been involved with this dude (still no sex, btw) and of course she's been calling me complaining about him still not bringing up sex and such. So last night that all changed. He called her to see if she wanted to go over and watch a movie. She automatically tells me she's not going if he's not giving her some sex and I'm like oh.. okay. Then he calls her again to confirm if she's going to come over or not & he tells her to stop and get some condoms. Again, she thinks he's lying or playing with her emotions. I'm on the sidelines telling her you never know, tonight could be the night, blah blah blah. After some "hard decision making", she goes over to see him. They have sex and like I told her, it was probably well worth the wait.

Now what I don't get about all this is
1. You got mad because the man wanted to spend time with you, no sex.
2. He doesn't hound you about sex, yet you hound him. Why?

As a woman who is known to be a tease, I would probably faint at a man who wants to spend time with me and doesn't have sex as his number 1 reason. That's so hard to find.. I know sex is a good portion of a relationship, but when you're trying to get to know someone better, sex is better when it's left on the back burner...

Very Random.

Happy Father's Day! Ok, now to this post. Earlier today, I did what I normally do which is go above & beyond for my family and cooked a very extravagant dinner. Well not too extravagant: grilled chicken thighs, corn, shrimp kabobs, rice, and some grilled veggies. After slaving over that hot grill for a couple hours, I even made some brownies. Now, I fell asleep earlier than expected (12:30ish) but I woke back up around 1:30 and I was super horny. In my mind, I know somewhere there is a man who will appreciate all that I did for the day, then turn around and give up the buns... Too bad I don't have that man already..... And I'll just leave it at that.
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Summer Plans....

The Summer is almost here! Kids just got out of school and I'll still be sitting at home slumming since no one has contacted me about getting their hair done. I planned to go to NYC for the entire 3 months, but so far I don't see that happening.

I may stay home, find me a little part time job & stack some bread. I know my sister is gonna be pissed but being broke is so yesterday.
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Random Thoughts on Marriage Pt. 1

I'm not a very "traditional" girl, but I do have some beliefs that are straight from the "old school". I believe in marriage before children, I believe in marriage period.

Marriage is very sacred to me. As the vows state, "It should not be entered lightly", I believe that you should only be married once and to the person you love more than anything. Along with that marriage, there should be children or spawns of your love. I know a lot of people would say "you don't have to be married to have a kid", but for me, I have to be. I know any man (married, single, involved) can up and leave whenever they choose but if they are married, it's a little bit harder.

There's a certain security being married that most married couples know about. The fact that someone loves you that much to want to spend their life with you, want to have children with you, and given their vows to you with the promise of never leaving your side. I do see myself getting married and being the best wife and mother possible.
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Big K.R.I.T.

I normally don't post videos and such.. But I had to post this... I've been to several of his shows (A couple in NYC & 1 in VA) and this man is on it!! The last show I went to @ Southpaw in Brooklyn, I had the chance to meet him and he is such a down to earth, cool ass dude! Anyway, here's one of my favorite tracks/videos from one of XXL's Freshman of 2011. ENJOY!

I don't get it....

My bestie has found her self a "good man". Well in my opinion of what she tells me, he is a good man. He wants to spend time with her, he doesn't want to have sex, and he wants to get to know her in & out. Another thing that makes him stand out is that he told her "If we're going to do this (serious relationship), no Facebook". When she told me that, I was like wow!

Now, they've been dating for a short while now and she calls me upset at the fact that he doesn't want have sex. She's use to guys wanting to hit on the first night & I told her I think it's awesome he doesn't want to have sex so soon. I think it means that he respects her that much to want to know her mind & heart first. She calls & complains about no sex has been had and I'm like "What's the issue?, I don't get it?!"
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Is it too much to ask for that young, innocent kind of love? That "don't want to hang up", I need to be by you, just hold my hand kind of love? Is it wrong that I still think that, that kind of love still exists with the right person? I want my heart to stop, the butterflies in my stomach type of feelings again.

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You don't have to lie to me....

Why do people lie? Why do men lie to women about simple things? Why do parents lie to their children? These are questions I ask myself quite often.

I love when people can be 100% honest with me about anything, especially if I ask them for advice or their opinion. In all my relationships, I tell the other person "You don't have to lie to me about anything. I'm grown & I can handle the truth." I know for a fact that a couple men think I'm just saying that because its a cool thing to say. No, I'm saying it because it's true. You have no need to lie to me. If I can't handle your truths, then that's my problem.

In the beginning of any kind of male/female love interest type of relationship, I always ask for dude to be upfront about everything. You want a sex only relationship, say so. Doesn't mean you're going to get that, but at least I know what you want. Even if we're already involved & you cheated, tell me. Why? So I can know & protect my body & heart at all cost. Plus, whatever is in the dark will come to light anyway.
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Oh really?!

Just a quick short story...

One of my exes/homeboys hit me up telling me his job is hiring for a part time front desk position. After thinking about it, I decided to go ahead and apply. Now he & I have history but now he's married so that ship has sailed. Anyway, I get to his job during his shift to fill out the app. We're laughing, chatting and such. He offered to chill in the little living room area, I oblige and join him. As we're sitting there talking & watching tv together, I notice his wedding ring has magically disappeared. I thought that was so very hilarious.

Some niggas really ain't shit.

The end.
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Dreams of my own..

I keep having dreams where I'm living in my very own apartment. Everything in it, I paid for. Its set up how I want it, it has all the foods I like in it. I invite whoever I want there. It's all mine!!

When most kids reach about 17 - 19, they want their own. I never had that feeling, until I turned 25. (What can I say, I'm a late bloomer) I'm just trying to get closer to this dream..
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My hair blog

My hair blog has a new URL. Check it out, join, comment, send requests, etc! http://www.justhairbyebony.blogspot.com
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