Like, Lust, Love......

These are 3 entirely different stages and I feel this way about 3 totally different guys. Most people get the like and love emotions confused, but not me.

Guy 1 aka Like is a sweet, caring type of guy. He makes me laugh, we chat online almost every single day and I can see a future with him. The only bad thing, he lives hours away... I just realized I genuinely cared for him when he told me he lost a close family member. At that exact moment, I wanted to be there for him. And anyone who really knows me that I don't show compassion towards people I don't care for, because I could really care less. That's just how I have always been.

Guy 2 aka Lust is a cool, funny, weird, likable guy that I've known for a couple years now. We have this off & on cut buddy thing that I love (cuz the sex is awesome) but outside of that, we really like each other. I don't know about him, but I do have some deep feelings towards him and they all aren't sexual. To tell him those feelings will never happen because of my fear of rejection (again).

Guy 3 aka Love could be my everything. And I mean that. He makes me laugh, he takes care of me, my family loves him, he's the best thing that never happened (relationship wise). I would bring up the whole distance thing sucks (which it does) but I know that would not be enough for us. I really don't know how to feel about him, since I know he's miles and hours away.

Isn't love about the risks?

Since I've been confined to my house & the occasional errand with Mom, I've been doing a lot of thinking. One of my main thoughts consists of falling in love & being in love.

Now 2 people (man, woman; man, man; woman, woman; etc) if they both share the same interests, have a genuine like for each other, and enjoy each other; what's stopping them from possibly falling in love. Isn't love about the risks? For instance, the risk of putting all your cards on the table, letting it all hang out. What's the worst that can happen: the other person doesn't want you in the same way as you want them? The other person wanting you back just as much?

I've been in 1 situation where I have said those 3 words & had them said back several times. Recently, I've decided I wouldn't be the one to say it first but I feel like that's stupid. If you love someone, let them know right? But why, if you know they may not say it back? Rejection hurts, not being in love hurts, shit... Even being in love hurts sometimes or is that not love if you ever hurt? My thoughts are really jumbled up right now about all this.

I'm THAT girl...

...who can hang with the boys & fit in.
...who can hang with the girls & stand out.
...who settled when love showed up.
...who caught feelings when she shouldn't have.
...who thinks about him & can't stop.
...who should be HIS girl.
...who has been rejected one too many times.
...who breaks hearts because I think its fair to do it before I let it happen to me.

I'm that type of girl.

He's Different...

So this guy who I'm in love with.. I can't even get the words out right... He's what I want and more.. He makes me happy without touching me.. Very kind with words. He appreciates me for me. He's happy knowing that I'm happy.. He's cute, the sweetest guy I could have ever met, and he's all mine!

Right now some distance issues is keeping us apart but one day soon.. We'll be together.. I know he's the right guy for me.. I can feel it in my heart, mind, and soul.. Trey Songz said in a song, "I should be praying instead of wishing you were here with me".. I'm starting to pray for us.. I should of been praying before.. But now I have a million reasons to pray with him being #2 on my list...

Uhh Hi!!

lol I haven't been here in a long time.. Almost forgot about this blog.. Anyhow.. So much has happened recently.. Let's get this part over & done with:

1. Lost my job 2 days before Thanksgiving.. Reason? I have no fuckin idea.. What did I learn? Not to work for a crazy white bitch.. And that in the Commonwealth of Virginia, you can get fired for no apparent reason.
2. I can't collect unemployment because I never filed my taxes.. Ever!
3. There are nooooo jobs out there!!
4. I have been borderline depressed about not working & not having money..
5. A plus is I'm doing hair whenever I can and I am still making my own car payments..
6. Christmas is a week away and I have nothing to give anyone.. Even though my closest friends and family understand, I still feel bad about it..
7. I had a interview for a temp agency.. So hopefully after Christmas something will pan out with that.
8. I had to cancel my gym membership so my plans to slim & trim by the summer is kinda out of the question.
9. I'm completely single.. And I mean not 1 attachment to anybody..
10. I'm in love with someone I've never met.. But he's hundreds of miles away..

I think my next few blogs are going to be mini rants about my day to day life as someone unemployed.. Maybe some poetry thrown in the mix.. You know, totally random ish..