He's Different...

So this guy who I'm in love with.. I can't even get the words out right... He's what I want and more.. He makes me happy without touching me.. Very kind with words. He appreciates me for me. He's happy knowing that I'm happy.. He's cute, the sweetest guy I could have ever met, and he's all mine!

Right now some distance issues is keeping us apart but one day soon.. We'll be together.. I know he's the right guy for me.. I can feel it in my heart, mind, and soul.. Trey Songz said in a song, "I should be praying instead of wishing you were here with me".. I'm starting to pray for us.. I should of been praying before.. But now I have a million reasons to pray with him being #2 on my list...

She's Dying (2006)

This poem is dedicated to my aunt who passed away about 13 years ago now..

She's dying.. Unwillingly, alone, scared..

She's dying.. Quietly, confused, happy

She's dying.. Knowing that she's going to be free

Free of the pain, sorrow, and guilt.

She's dying.. Wondering if she can be saved..

Is there a cure?

She's dying.. Medicine not working, but she's trying..

She's dying.. Maybe not alone, but other don't know her struggle

She's dying... Does anyone care? Do they know? Why aren't they here?

Mouth closed, eyes shut, she's gone. Nobody knew her pain. All was lost but could of been gained, if we only knew... She was dying, but living alone. Not completely dead, but unworthy of life. The lessons that could of been taught, the happiness brought to hearts all around, she's heaven-bound, heart full of joy. She's gone. Done dying, now she's living in the rhythm of the waves, beats of drums, sounds of love. She's gone. Done dying, dried tears, full of vigor.. She's dead.

Ode To Black Girls (7/26/06)

Swaying your hips when you walk

Popping your gum when you talk

The hood raised her.

Sassy, yet classy; disrespectful when needed

Dudes try to get at her, she doesn't need it

Unnecessary drama of hood life

She sees herself in a different light

College bound, career found

Ghetto girls can make it out!!

Attracted to the finer things in life, she finds her way out

From a road already doomed and booby trapped,

She sees success isn't far

Go left into the light or go right into the dark

Sometimes feeling alone, she strayed back to the dark

Her trials and tribulations bring her out

Unknowing that girls just like her around

staring down the same path, just looking for a different way

Broken down & beaten by society; Black girls can do it!

Never alone, but always forgotten

Black girls stand strong!

Sorrow of the Heart (7/17/06)

I guess in 2006, I was going thru a lot of relationship problems..

Unchained melody of my heart sounds like a thunderous pain.

Bleeding, aching for attention

Doctor, please cure this agony

Unpleased, neglected for love.

Scorned, tinged heart... Please beat again..

Money Blues (7/26/06)

Bills coming, nothing going out

Damn, the lights went out

Should I save us by making a call to that guy who said he'll help if I fall........

Or should I ask the neighbors to save us again?

My pride won't let me ask them again, even though they know my plight

Jesus knows my pain; I wish I knew his plan

I leave things all undone, he'll make a way.

RING! RING! on my rotary phone

The Light Company

"Sorry ma'am you have a credit, lights will be on in a second"

Was that the works of the man with the plan?

Was it the neighbors, helping again?

Who knows?!

But I thank them.

Love is.. (9/12/2008)

I'm guessing I was going thru something with my ex so I scribbled this down on a post it.. Enjoy!

Love is pure.

We were in it's purest form

You descended into the atmosphere too soon...

I stayed afloat with you always in my heart

Love is pain.

You caused this pain

Love is pure... bullshit.

Uhh Hi!!

lol I haven't been here in a long time.. Almost forgot about this blog.. Anyhow.. So much has happened recently.. Let's get this part over & done with:

1. Lost my job 2 days before Thanksgiving.. Reason? I have no fuckin idea.. What did I learn? Not to work for a crazy white bitch.. And that in the Commonwealth of Virginia, you can get fired for no apparent reason.
2. I can't collect unemployment because I never filed my taxes.. Ever!
3. There are nooooo jobs out there!!
4. I have been borderline depressed about not working & not having money..
5. A plus is I'm doing hair whenever I can and I am still making my own car payments..
6. Christmas is a week away and I have nothing to give anyone.. Even though my closest friends and family understand, I still feel bad about it..
7. I had a interview for a temp agency.. So hopefully after Christmas something will pan out with that.
8. I had to cancel my gym membership so my plans to slim & trim by the summer is kinda out of the question.
9. I'm completely single.. And I mean not 1 attachment to anybody..
10. I'm in love with someone I've never met.. But he's hundreds of miles away..

I think my next few blogs are going to be mini rants about my day to day life as someone unemployed.. Maybe some poetry thrown in the mix.. You know, totally random ish..

M.A.C.

I've been a fan of M.A.C. lipgloss/lipglass for a couple years now.. They have never done me wrong! I was kinda upset that they move product so fast though. Some time in July I brought this tube of Cremesheen Glass and last month they weren't even carrying it anymore. I do see they have new Fall colors of Cremesheen Glass.. Anyway, it you haven't tried them - You should! I will say they are kinda pricey but it's well worth it (Prices vary from $14 to $28)

I'm not big on foundation, eye shadow and blush but from what I hear; they are the go to cosmetic line for all of that!

So visit them at your local Macy's, Sephora (some locations), Bloomingdale's or online! They even have an awesome recycling program where you turn in 6 empty containers and you get a free lipstick!

PS: I'm totally addicted to the Lipgelee and clear lipglass. I own about 7 tubes of gloss from them (that I carry on me just about 24/7)

Random Thoughts for 10/29/09

So yesterday I was talking to my mom about my plans for 2010 and how I wanted to do a lot of traveling and such. When I mentioned me and my longtime ex/current/next love may be going to DC for New Years she went off. I understand her reason to be angry but being the person that I am, she should know I like to do things my way until I realize I have failed. And so far I'm not done trying my hand at love with this guy.. I just feel like maybe it is meant to be this way.. Maybe he is the one.. I don't want to fail at this, only because she'll be right there saying I told you so! I even told him that and he was like let's prove everybody wrong babe.. My emotions are getting the best of me.. If he says the right thing, I fall for it.. If he plans to take me out and at the last minute bails, I get upset but forgive him the next time. ((Currently getting choked up))

I hate my job. Well not really hate, just have a strong dislike for it. I haven't had a raise in about a year yet I'm still here and NO body is talking money. The owner is in the middle of this nasty separation/divorce and her future ex hubby stole over $32Gs from her so she's struggling. She was even talking about closing the company, which would leave ME without a job.. I'm currently looking for something different.. I can't keep coming in here and keep slacking on the job without somebody noticing..

I just feel bleh.. I know someone is reading this like "Damn girl, cheer up".. My period is coming and my emotions are all across the board.. I haven't been to the gym in almost 2 weeks and it shows... Been in everybody's scalp making them look cute while I'm walking around looking like a hot damn mess.. I'm taking some me time this weekend and try to pull Me together..

Static - Kenna

Bearing my soul....

This post is going to be kinda long but it's going to be all my thoughts on relationships & dating. Let the hate begin!

Dating: 50/50 or not!

In my last "relationship" dude believed everything should be 50/50. I'm cool with that but don't say it and never come up with your half. Now I was suckered into pulling his half quiet often but once I tried to do the same, all hell broke loose. He never saw it my way and now, if I tallied up how many meals and trips to the gas station; dude would owe me hella cash! So should dating (meals, movies, etc) be 50/50?! That's a good HELLZ NO! You want to date me, come out of your pocket. I got the tip!

Dating a chick with kids....

I really don't see why dudes date chicks with kids or a kid. Yes I understand you like kids, but why be with someone who has to be tied to that kid all the time. Yall will never have free time cause Lil Tay Tay know that you trying to get at his mama or they just always in your face. I'll see guys hit on chicks with kids and wonder: what is the appeal? I need real answers.. Is it because you know she's giving it up?? There are plenty of single, 0 child having women out there who are giving it up like it was Free Coochie Day.. (Not saying I'm one of them, but I'm just saying).

A man & his kids

Sorry bruh, you're already not for me. That's nice you have children, that's a blessing but when and if I decide to have kids, I want it to be with my husband.. I don't want to play Step mom to your kids knowing that (at least 85% of the time) their mother is telling them to not like me. So ain't gonna happen over here kid.

The unattractive women & attractive man

When I see this unsightly pair, I can only think: WHAT DOES SHE HAVE THAT I DON'T? I know people say it's not all about looks but I think that's some bullshit. You have to be attracted to something the first time you see them.. Even if it's just a phat ass.. Like seriously, I see this all the time and think "I'm a decent looking chick.. Why not someone like me instead of that beast he's with?" Me & Ms. HB had a discussion via Twitter about this. I can't remember exactly what was said but I know my goofy ass said this for sure: She must be sucking the meat off his dick something serious for him to be with her. But forreal: how?! why?!

Marriage: On The Rocks or Shaken?

When things get rough and you both are willing to work it out, I think you should just to say that you did. And if you do and it doesn't work out, let that be the end of it knowing you tried your best. Now if it does work out, you have to move along like nothing happened to cause a rough patch in your relationship. You can't dwell on the past to get to the future.

My relationship status

I'm as single as a bird left behind during migration. I was "dating" this guy for the past couple of years and I ended it because we were going no where. He was too comfortable having me wrapped around his finger so I bounced. After family & friends telling me to really think about our so called relationship, I told him I can't do this anymore. I can't keep giving, giving, giving, giving, and giving you all you need and more and never seeing what the outcome is going to be. After a couple months of not interacting with him, he told me that he still misses me. It felt good to hear but it didn't feel the same. So of course I fall right back into it like nothing happened.. But since then (which was earlier this week) I don't know how to feel about him. My hearts not into it like it should be. I just think I'm over him and I showed him a little pity and gave up the cookies. I even told him I was confused about the entire situation and needed air.. He's still calling and texting the I miss you's and I love you's. They are kinda falling on deaf ears.

Amanda Diva: A Diva of All Trades!

Ms. Diva is an awesome poet, rapper, singer, painter, actress, comedienne.

I don't want to say too much about her being that her talents speak for themselves! Just check her out!

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