Randomness for October?

Okay, I'm going to try to sum up this month in this 1 post without it being too long.... And here we go!

• First couple of weeks sucked: I looked for work & just chilled.
• Went to NY for 2 weeks & it was decent.
• Came back home and tried to get back in the groove of things but that took a week or so.
• My best friend move to NJ & invited me to move in with him. Seriously thinking about taking up his offer.
• Still having the want & desires to make clothes. Btw, I went to the now famous Mood Fabric Store in NY & fell in complete love with it.
• As of now, I'm still looking for work & getting kinda desperate for money since the holidays are coming around.
• Thanksgiving in NY and I'm beyond hype about that.

Change is good. Depression is bad.

I know I've been gone for a min. But I'm back with a vengeance (maybe). Today I was just reflecting on some things & with that I ran across a journal entry from January of this year & I'm so happy to not be in that place anymore. Depression is just horrible & I hated not feeling like my normal self. But for those people out there still suffering, you have my sympathy. I know all too well how it feels to want to just scream but its not enough.

My thoughts in January were all dark, scary, and suicide based. I was so unhappy with my life that I wanted to end it yet I felt like I couldn't do that to my family. Something that stood out to me today was:

I laugh when I really want to cry, I say something because the silence is killing me. I say nothing because the silence is comforting. I cry when the laughs aren't enough.

Sometimes I still feel like that, but I'm not wanting to hide from myself or my family & friends. So I'm doing a whole lot better & giving this life thing a chance.