Seek and ye shall find.

Randomly went "searching" on Twitter for ol' dude's girlfriend's profile.. Found it and started going thru her pictures.... Bad idea... I'm scanning her timeline, starting to put the puzzle together & BOOM! I figured it out. They moved in together. How do I feel about it? I'm not sure. At this exact moment, I feel kinda numb. It didn't really surprise me, but I did have a "oh." moment when I figured it out. Btw, I'm not even the "stalker/rummaging" type...

Moral of this story: Don't go looking for shit you don't have any business looking for, you will find everything you don't want to know about.

I. Must. Get. Out!

I feel trapped in this small town, with this little life that has nothing to offer me. I must get out. There are bigger & better things in the whole entire world that I must see. So far, I can count on one hand the obstacles I have in front of me... My issue is that I can't change them with a blink of my eyes.. Finance is a major issue. Under finance, is employment. If I had a job, I could totally fund my dream of leaving this little world. The main point is that I need to get out & I want to get out. I just need a way to make it happen.

Last night...

Early this morning (1:30am EST), my ex-sex buddy called me begging for sex because he & his girlfriend broke up.. He was talking about how I was right, she wasn't right for him, and how I need to let him come over & make us both happy (with sexual pleasure)... I then had to burst his bubble.

1. Just because you broke up with your girl & I'm single doesn't mean we're going back to that.
2. I'm not that hard up for sex.
3. I'm UBER serious about being celibate until I find someone worth my time & loving.
4. Lastly, I don't even want to have sex with him.

He seemed really desperate & literally begged me for 1 night of passion. I was so turned off that even if I was thinking about it, I wouldn't. 

Then earlier yesterday, I told my mom I'm serious about no intercourse & etc. She played devil's advocate & was asking why and when did I see myself breaking it like I'm just saying this shit because it sounds good. Smh, she doesn't even believe in me. 

NYC June 2012

I enjoyed myself so much! The trip was to basically check up on my Grandma (who is doing well), see my sister & other relatives. Truly had fun almost every single day, including the day I got white girl wasted and threw up all over myself.. Glad I'll be back there in about 2 weeks.     

Sis & I @ SOB's NYC

       Drinking @ Union Sq. Park                                                  

Fun times @ cookout.

My sister & I. 

I was doing good.....

Until I got a call from "the guy I was seeing" about 20 minutes ago. He just said "I need to talk to you when it's convenient. I'll call you in the morning.". My stomach literally turned over and I got angry all over again. I really feel like anything he has to say to me is worthless.. But I'm going to be an adult and talk to him, then more than likely curse him out.

But I was doing great before he called. I didn't think about him, talk about him, or anything except for 1 day when my cousin & sister were talking about their ex relationships. Outside of that, I wasn't even concentrating on him or any other man. Definitely taking my me-time seriously...

1 month & counting that I vowed to myself that I would not enter into another casual sex relationship. So far, I've been offered sex roughly 3 to 7 times, and declined every single one. Even came millimeters close to actual intercourse and turned it down. I'm doing well with it.... At least at the moment.. 

Why?

Why do people feel like its okay to lie to me? The guy I was dealing with lied to me about being in a relationship with this other girl. Then another guy I talk to online probably doesn't even know that I know, but I know he's in a relationship too. And he has yet to tell me, which I consider a lie. And today, my very own mother.... The woman who birthed me, lied to me about who she was with... Am I just a easy target to tell lies to or something? Do I look that dumb or naive? But just like I told my mother, I see and know a whole lot more than I'm given credit for... And just because I don't say anything about it, doesn't mean I don't know about it.